Wedding Stuff. Christmas. Books. Random

Last Sunday, me and Dwi went to Sophia to choose our wedding photos.

                                                             
                                                                   Sample Photo

Originally we only have a 55 photos to choose as that is part of our package. we ended up choosing 150 photos from thousands of it. We paid extra charge for the additional 100 photos.

Choosing a wedding pictures are not easy, we spent almost 3 hours to look, choose and discuss. its a bit boring but at the same time seeing all of these makes us so happy.

The 150 photos that we selected will be given to us by next year. we also had 2 albums, 2 mini albums, signature album, post cards, FRAMEEEEESSSS.

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Today, we officially booked our Bridal Suite, though i felt so rush because we both felt that there are quite a lot of things that haven't settled and we only have 3 months left. Really, preparing for wedding is so stressful. I haven't re-count our guest list and i really feel so stressed up.

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Few more days and it's Christmas Day! Nowadays, i don't feel so excited for it. I'm starting to get used to it that my Christmas is just another holiday. Though i want it to be special just like before how we celebrate it in Philippines, but since i stayed here in Singapore, Christmas is a depressing day for me.

Besides, i'll be working on Christmas Eve and Day. So SAAAAAAD.

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I am thinking to stop working as i find my house in a terrible condition. seems like nobody has a time to take care of it. Everybody is so busy at work. and i really feel so sad on how messy my home is.

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I already bought a Christmas gift for Dwi's Nieces and Nephews which is my new Nieces and Nephew. Though Dwi is not keen to buy gifts, I still bought with my own money *Thanks to my tips!* just hoping that they like it so much. Besides, Christmas is for kids.

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I managed to finish the Fifty Shades Trilogy in almost a month. Its nice at first but i find the love scene so redundant and i starting to get bored. Anyway, Love scene are all the same. Maybe i should try to write a book and try my luck to stardom. HAHAHA.

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This is so random, i dont know what to blog about, i'm still pissed off with my work but i am trying to embrace the tips. though money is not everything, i am just trying to convince my self to stay a bit longer after all the events done. But i am still wishing and hoping that i will find a new job soon.

Wounded.Shattered.Broken.

Just a very quick blog before i take some nap. it's quite random as my heart is speaking for it.

Yes indeed, my title says the whole summary of my emotions trying to understand all the fuck up.

A situation wherein testing yourself which is more important to you, FRIENDSHIP or DREAMS (career, perhaps?)

Well, i joined back to the place where everything started, where in i can build myself up again, pick up the shattered pieces of me and follow my dreams. i choose that exact place for i thought being with "him" will help me to recover from some piece of sorrow inside my body running inside of my veins trapped inside my brain. I thought he is going to be the bridge for me to be ME AGAIN.

Well, I am working on a position of i am not supposed to be. told me to wait, promises me a lot of shit. "if he goes out you in blah blah blah" should i blame him? or should i blame my self?  am i selfish or he's the one having some issue?.

I loved him and i love him as a brother, as a best friend. he used to give me strength when everything in my life is so fucked up, but why i felt he's giving me some weakness this past few months? 

As he told me the bitter truth, i felt my dreams shattered and worst is my heart broke when he told me i can even go to other place who will "may" offer me the things that he cannot offer. He says "please" "i need you" "don't go"..Oh his magic still working on me. I can't go as i felt i owe some part of my life to him, seriously, if i haven't met him i don't think so i already planned my life and knows my goals and dreams. he gave direction during the time i am confused.

He dream together with me about my future, we both worked hard and i fucked up. i took a quite different road, a road that is not part of our map. so, i thought i broke his hard when i suddenly stop pursuing my goals. he tried to bring me back in track, tried to save me (that's how i look into it) but i reject. I cause so much hurt to him, to everyone and to myself. 

And now i am back, and i felt i owe him a lot. i can't go because i know i do that against his decision, we will surely waved goodbye to everything. It's a career versus friendship. I value our friendship so much that it hurts so much. I am just hoping he will try to make me understand more what are his plans. 

As i will try my best to understand and try to work on it.