I know i shouldn't get hurt. I don't have the rights and It's not good for me to feel HURT, most specially when it's all part of the PAST.
My mind is trying to create a right sentence or words to use. I am not mad, but somehow i felt hurt. i felt a little bit of pain. just a pinch of it. I am emotional type of person so, i can't help but to shed some tears while typing this.
Before i got married, Before Dwi became my boyfriend. I had a 3 special guy that i fell in love with. Don, who is my manager / mentor, Cads my ex-fiancee and Oink, a good friend of mine.
Cads, is one of the reason why i choose to go here in Singapore, i want a new life, a new place to breathe just for the sake of moving on. In the process of healing my self from a "dark past", I met Don, He is the type of guy who loves Hello Kitty, but he is STRAIGHT. there are some moment that i felt that the Feeling is Mutual, there are times that No, it's not. we are just so close to each other, like brothers and sisters blah blah blah, blah blah blah. I can tell that Don is the reason why i moved on. due to severe closeness, i can't help but to fall in love with him. aside for being a charming and a cutie pie he is also a sweetie. I thought he likes me based on how he treats me, I though he is the "one". But i never heard him saying that "Krystal, I like you".
Then here goes Oink. a very supportive friend from Philippines. Oink and I had a short sweet memories (i guess?). He actually came into my life 3 times.
1. His Bestfriend set me him up to me. There is a getting to know each other stage but sadly, we didn't end up as what his Best Friends wants. I got hurt for some reason that i can't really remember, but i understand.
2. One day, i met him in a Jeepney ride going to our school, Imagined after 4 years we met again. I thought we are destiny. Hahaha. destined for each other. Hahaha. Im such a believer and a follower of destiny. anyway, from that moment we started to have a communication again. As far as i remembered he is a heart broken that time, but nevertheless he is a very supportive friend to me. I invited him to watched my first stage play and i didn't expect that he's really going to watch. After the show, when the lights are on, i saw him and i can't help myself but to HUG HIM. since then, we constantly check each other (if my memory is right) i even remember that he picked me up from a late night rehearsal. I though, OH GAAAAD THIS IS IT!. my heart keep shouting PART 2 PART 2 PART 2! but we didn't end up as what i'm dreaming of, i can't remember the reason but the next thing i know is i'm flying off to SINGAPORE
3. My heart is slowly healing because of Don, although i am still hunted by my dark past. Oink never forgets me. I told my self that i'm ready to fall in love again, i will just wait for Oink to ask me and i am sure that i will say yes. but due to Long Distance, our communication is on and off. but i know deep down inside my heart that i am very happy everytime he will sms me on my roaming number. One night, i finally convinced him to changed our relationship status to "In a Relationship" I am quietly happy about it. I remembered that i told him that it's only for a show since we are friends, but the truth is I am actually wanted to be his girl. and i tried to be his girl. until he told me that he is actually courting someone.
Okay, maybe i am stupid because i didn't say my real feelings. cos i assume that eventually this "for fun" will become "real". The moment he told me about this Girl, i felt that i stab my self with a knife or i put an acid to myself hahaha. but one thing for sure, i felt such a loser. for the third time around, there is still no US.
Most of my friends thought it's Don then Dwi. but they didn't know that there is Oink between them. but i am not mad , cos until now he still a SUPPORTIVE FRIEND to me, and that's the only thing that never change. I am thankful because that situation leads me to Dwi.
I just felt sad because he can't actually remember about "OINK", our endearments.
But all is well.
Promise.
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