I Chased him, so what?

After the World Cup, I learned two things about him. His mobile number and He’s a gentleman.

Since that Day, I admired him even more. His Attitude + Unique Charisma sweep me off my feet. We started to exchange sms, more likely I initiate every sms we had in a day, a very Kristel. If I like the person I will give so much attention. 

We became closer than before, everytime we hang up with our fellow workmates afterwork, we always ended the night with physical contact, and that physical contact is holding each other’s hand. We hold hands for unknown reason, whoever initiate one, we don’t know, it’s just a mutual feeling or more like a magnet. After the parties we will walk outside from the bar like a couple. So I made a conclusion that maybe he likes me.

But it’s not easy; it’s like a roller coaster ride with him, the more I get to know him the more his flaws particularly in his attitude starting to show the truth. He’s really a hot and cold guy, does he likes me or not? is it yes or no? And at the same time I also doubt about my feelings toward him. Is this a real thing or just another game? Another past time? Another for Fun?. I debated with my own self, while following the beat of life, while still understanding and trying to figuring out what is he really thinking? Is he really feels the same? Or just like me, another person who is confused if it’s really something or nothing?

Until one day, Finally everything got answered, my doubts to myself and wondering about his emotions. He is in-love with somebody else and I am seriously in-love with him. He is trying to win the lady that he likes while me thinking what the hell holding hands and all of this caring all about?!. I am in-love but I felt I’ve been used for temporary happiness. And this facts makes my arguing with myself worst, I want to revenge but I want him to be with me for real. How am I supposed to know what to do and which one o really want to do?

Nevertheless I chased him. I chased him in a bit obvious ways. I keep giving or dropping a hint that I like him, I gave so much attention for him, as much as possible I want him to feel that I am really into him and he is special to me. I chased him like a guy who chased a lady. My motivations are our special physical contact, like the “holding hands” and those moments that we are both silly until we are unaware that actually we’re hugging each other in front of our customers. Those times he will purposely drop-by at our store that he didn’t do before and of course, the comments of those people surrounding us. They can give a fair judgment based on our body contacts.

I fought for my feelings and I chased him until I can, as long as I can hold on into this roller coaster ride. Until I lose my grip and finally let go…