I let go but after a few days I will try to hold again, Hold to what I believe that there is really something. As the days gone by, we became closer and closer. The sudden change to our closeness became a hot topic for both establishments that we’re working at, I can feel the full and obvious support from both bars. They always item us, teased us and I like it very much, I enjoy it a lot. We started to share our beautiful past memories; I can feel that he is really into me.
But one night, a former apple of my eye came. It seriously confuses my thoughts, I debate again with myself, and it’s like an endless argumentation between me and my very own feelings. But somewhere in my heart whispering that Dwijin is more special than this guy. Former apple of my eye and I suddenly got a gap. I don’t know if the problem is with me or with him, but that time I am very conscious on how Dwijin might feel if he saw me entertaining former apple of my eye. I am very concerned for something that I shouldn’t be.
I finally proved to myself that it’s Dwijin already, but the problem is what I am to him. The more I drop ahint about my feeling, he also trying to drop a hint that he have somebody else’s in his heart. A clear picture became blurring. Our common friends starting to share stories with me on how Dwijin very proud to show the one he likes, things that really breaking my heart, but I still continue to fight, like an only remaining soldier fighting for his country. This fight causes me a lot of heart pain, I don’t know how many times I attempt to surrender and retreat or fight until the bullet really hit my heart so I won’t ever survive.
One night I sense that the final bullet that I’m waiting for is coming. He invited me for a supper after work which I said yes. I am a crazy soldier who will face the death, it’s once and for all. Worst thing is I even ask Dwijin if he’s going to tell me something, something like asking him if he’s going to kill me and he answered yes. Nevertheless I still face the hard truth, when he picked me up from my workplace everyone thought it’s finally or officially labeled, without knowing that this is the end of my battle.
That night I expecting a hard truth, the final bullet that the whole night I am waiting for, it turns out the other way; it turns out to be a date. We drunk, we ate, we talk, share stories and hello it’s really a date. I am so happy the whole time I am with him. We walk and even accompany me to go home. While inside the cab it’s like an ambush operation, a bullet straight away hit me. The truth has finally come; he started to share with me about this lady he really likes. I am bleeding, but since the bullet missed the center of my heart I still managed to survive and heal the wounds. I don’t know why, despite of the truth that he finally opens up to me, I’m still fighting for US. The “US” that only me knows. Maybe it’s because the way he said the truth.
After that night, the picture became so clear, very clear that you don’t need a magnifying glass. He is seriously in-love with someone and I am only a spare tire. From that moment I am only battling with myself. I battling with myself to surrender the fight for the “US” that I thought we have. It’s like a bungee jumping that suddenly the rope got cut midway, good thing I know how to swim though I am badly injured.
Just like what other loser doing after the hard truth faced them, we tried our best to keep and maintain the closeness and friendship that we started. Though, it’s no longer Fun.
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