Heartbreaks

"I want to die!!!!!"

 

The most famous line after the severe break-up. It's normal, It's common. Some people will really commit suicide because they can't take the pain and some are just saying it because they felt that it's the end of the world.

 

It's actually true, it's painful, it's like how are you going to face the tomorrow with a brand new status? How are you going to face the reality that its over between you and your special someone? someone that you spend so much trials and happiness and joy and probably dream about the future, your future. It's painful.

 

I remembered my most painful break-up. He and I so called "engaged" we dream about our future, we are actually okay from the day he started courting me, until one day, I received a temporary break-up or "cool off" message. I was totally wondering why? what went wrong? why he suddenly changed? why out of nowhere I will received that kind of message, in the morning. Why why why? I still tried my best to win him back, I did succeed for a while but I actually felt worst I felt that the love is no longer there, there is no actually love anymore, there's only pity. until the temporary became permanent due to issues like trust, infidelity and harsh words that made me realize that there's no point of holding back. I cried so much, my crying is like a song, it keeps on a repeat mode. I called my bestfriend just to cry. I go to school unprepared for the final exam, floating in the air, like a zombie, this is actually the worst break-up I ever had. I really do love him to the point I wish I am pregnant so he don't have a choice but to stick with me.

 

But, not all break-up will be a nightmare, eventually this break-up that causes you a sleepless night and swollen eyes, you will really be thankful for it. thankful because you two broke up. the break-up gave you a new chance to meet someone new or a chance to love yourself, a chance to learn a lot of lessons that you can imply to your life, a chance of knowing what you missed out and knowing what you really want to do in your life. You see, there's always a rainbow after the rain. there's always good in goodbyes. Imagine, if the guy didn't break-up with me, I wont be here in Singapore, I won't get married to Dwijin, the most wonderful guy I met. My life will be totally different from what and where I am now. So, I will be forever thankful for the guy who badly broke my heart.

 

But not all my former relationship gave me something to remember or something to learn. Only few of them actually. My first boyfriend during High School taught me that looks comes with danger and trials. I was mesmerized by his action when he left his current girlfriend that time just to court me, to be with me. I was mesmerized by his looks as well but because of him, I was a victim of bullying, I was bullied almost everyday and to add salt to my wounds, he cheated on me. I should have known if he left someone for me,  he can do it again and again and again.

 

While another former helped me what I am actually looking for a guy. Actually, there's nothing wrong with this Half Jap guy. he's sweet and he persevere a lot by finding ways how he can get my contacts. Anyway, I am the one who broke up with him because I find him boring for me. you see, I am naturally talkative and he is the opposite of me, he's a one liner and I am out of things to say for the sake of salvaging the conversation, He can't make me laugh and so, i ended it up.

 

But one guy surely let me know what is karma. We both love each other, until I got tired. I didn't imagine that it will come to the point of getting tired of overwhelming love, well I guess I also felt suffocate with the relationship. I know breaking up with someone is not an easy thing to do. I created a excuse like I want to focus with my studies, which is quite true and since then I don't entertain his calls. until after few years, we met again, we became friends and we reconcile. I told to my self that this time, I will do better and I really did it's just that when he felt that i am into him, he treated me like a shit and eventually broke up with me. he asked me how i feel, because that's what actually he felt when i broke up with him. I cried but i accepted the reality, this is the price that i need to pay for. from then on, i welcomed Karma into my life.

 

we might not notice it from the first few days, weeks, months or even a year but one day while you are sipping your favourite coffee or tea, or as long you are not busy and you find yourself, quite successful, you will realized all of the good things of breaking up. you just really need to accept it slowly so you can move on slowly. Don't rush.